Andy and I just got back from a lunch in honor of my Grandma’s 95th birthday. I tried not to read anything into the fact that at the enormous round table for 17, I was seated (via placecard) as far from my Grandma as was possible, directly across from her with a good 12 feet of table between us. Let’s just say Grandma isn’t crazy about me and leave it at that for now, shall we? I’m happy that she’s still with us and that at 95 she still lives at home in her own house. She’s an inspiring person if not a warm and cuddly one.
I took her some home-canned items as a gift: dilled green tomatoes, roasted garlic jelly and piccallili relish. When she opened them she said Thanks, Darc, alright see ya later. Or something like that. I thought, oh, am I dismissed? Like I said, Grandma isn’t going to be elected Queen of the Warm and Fuzzies anytime soon.
For the rest of the day I’m not going to do anything too taxing. I think an afternoon of knitting and DVDs and perhaps an adult beverage is the prescription for a couple hours spent listening to my cousin’s 2 year old slam dishes into the table and having to tell the same three family-friendly pieces of information over and over: Andy’s pretty close to getting tenure, I got a new loom, we’re going to Seattle in January. Yep, that’s about it. Nothing to see here.
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Ouch! No grandma-love? Sheesh! That sucks. There are some people in this world you just can’t ever please!
Ah, the joy of family. I could tell you stories from my end.
I am so grateful to have people who understand, thanks. y’all. I didn’t mention the other really striking moment. When they brought out the cake and we all sang, at the moment it came time for Grandma to make a wish and blow out the candles, she said, “I can’t be happy.” Maybe the birthday speech that started off with the litany of all the people who have died on Grandma (husband, parents, daughter, all brothers and sisters save one) was still ringing in her ears, who knows.
We went to visit a relative I rarely see (the blood connection is so close I’m embarrassed to say) who said he had a collection of old military surplus items to show my 11-yr-old son. He had out a gas mask and was talking camping stoves. No big deal, right? He also promised me he doesn’t keep loaded guns in the house before they went upstairs to the military holy of holies.
I didn’t go up. Should have. As we were leaving my son told me he got to see 2 AK-47s, one Russian and one Chinese. The Russian one had a full clip in it.
When I talked to this dipsh*t later he said there was no round in the chamber and the safety was on, so the AK-47 wasn’t loaded. He said I could ask any police or military person and they would agree.
So far all the people I’ve asked agree he’s a dipsh*t and the gun was definitely loaded.
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